Chapter One – Divorce!?!

– I moved my stuff out last weekend!

Natasha says, taking another bite of her club sandwich. Like it was the most normal thing in the world for her and Bucky to get a divorce.

You look at her in disbelief. A divorce? Two of your best friends, you thought they were happy. Obviously you were wrong.

– Why? What happened?

You ask, moving your food around on your plate. Suddenly you lost your appetite.

– It’s a long story. It’s been going downhill for a while. Bucky wanted kids. I can’t have kids. I want…

– Didn’t you guys talk about adoption?

You cut her off. Looking at her. You still can’t believe she didn’t tell you before. She’s your best friend. You used to tell each other everything. Why did she keep this from you?

– Yeah, we did. But given that Bucky doesn’t really exist. It was impossible to get papers. And given my background I’m not exactly eligible for adoption by myself.

You don’t answer. You just nod. You do understand, you do. And you knew that this having kids thing had been hard on them.

– Anyway.. How is things with you and Steve?

Natasha looks at you. How are things with you and Steve, really? Your marriage have kinda just turned into everyday life. Steve was working non stop, almost never home. His saving the world complex kinda went to his head. And you felt that he took you for granted. It’s not like he didn’t provide for you. His job payed well, and he made sure you had everything you needed, and then some. But you felt that he was never there for you anymore.

– Well, it’s going I guess..

You answer, taking a sip of your coffee.

– You sure, YN?

Natasha keeps looking at you.

– I don’t know, Nat… It’s just that he’s never there, you know. Sometimes I wonder if he even loves me anymore.

You look down on your plate again. Since when did things become this messed up?

– You want to spend the night at my place? Drinking wine, gossiping?

Natasha winks at you. It sounds fun, you can’t argue with that. It’s been a long time since you and Natasha spent time together, just the two of you.

– Sure, that sounds fun. And Steve is away on business anyway, so I’m free.

Natasha gets up. Throws some money at the table, to pay for the food.

– Great, I pay for this food, you pay for the wine. Come one girlfriend!

You have a Great night with Natasha. Talking about the good old days, and of course you talk alot about what’s happening now. When you finally fall asleep on her couch, you feel like your head is about to explode with all this new information

—————————————————

You didn’t fall asleep until early in the morning, so you still feel the red wine from last night working in your body, when you enter the home you and Steve share.

It was a typical average American house. Way to big for just Steve and you. But you were supposed to get children. At least that’s what you talked about when you bought the house. That it would be a Great place to raise children. Children that never came. And Steve was almost never home anymore, and when he was.. The sex wasn’t exactly something to brag about. It used to be. It was just that after 10 years, it had become an every day thing. It was like all the different ways of having sex was tried out. And you got stuck in the missionary position like an old married couple. Sometimes you actually asked yourself if you could cheat on him. If you’d be able to do that? It wasn’t that you haven’t had the opportunity. You had some guys looking at you, at work and well.. They thought you didn’t notice, but you did. And it did make you feel good. It did make you feel pretty. But you never acted on it. You were a married woman. You could never do that.

You walk towards the shower. Letting your clothes fall to the ground as you go. You just want to shower off your hangover, grab a soft drink from the fridge, and then spend the rest of the day in bed, watching TV or something. Steve will be gone for another week. So you have the house to yourself. You’ll order takeout, go to bed early, and maybe redecorate. But shower first, YN. Shower, and then soft drink.

The shower does make you feel better. You stay there for a long long time. Letting the warm water slowly but steady take away your hangover. Piece by piece your body is starting to go back to normal.

You remember the first time you and Steve were in here together. Your first night in the house. How he undressed you, placing kisses on your body. How he stood for a good four or five minutes to make sure the water was warm enough. How amazing the sex was back then. How affectionate he was. Always telling you he loved you. Three or four times a day. Back when everything was perfect. Yes, you loved him. But you wanted the good sex back. The I came home early to fuck you sex, the kitchen floor sex, the shower sex, the in the car by the side of the road sex. That you’re so hot, I want you right now, and I can’t wait kinda sex. You and Steve didn’t have that anymore. Would it ever be possible to get that back?

You stay in the shower for so long that you don’t realise that the water runs cold. Shit! Well. Time to dry off, order take out and have that soft drink. You wrap your towel around you, and exit the bathroom.

You wrap a towel around you, and walk into your bedroom to get dressed. In the bedroom you place the towel on the bed before going through your clothes. Nothing fancy today. Some black sweatpants and a t shirt. A night in front of the TV with take out and Chick Flicks. No need to dress up for that. You put the towel into the laundry basket, when you hear a sound from your living room.

You quickly get the gun you always hide in the nightstand out. It was a long time since Steve had enemies. But you could never be too careful. Then you slowly start to move towards the living room. Lifting the gun up, ready to use it on whoever just entered your living room.

You can’t see anything, but you can hear someone behind your couch. Sounds like someone is unpacking something from a bag.

– Let me see your hands. I have a gun!

You yell, as you point the gun towards the couch. Then you see two hands slowly raising over the back of the couch. Before he slowly gets to his feet. You look at him for a while. Still pointing the gun at him.

– James? What are you doing here?

Bucky clears his throat. Still holding his hands up in the air.

– YN. Could you maybe put the gun away?

You look at the gun, before looking back up at Bucky. Then you lower the gun.

– What are you doing here, James?

– Why do you keep calling me James?

You walk back into your bedroom, put the gun back.

– What are you doing here, Bucky?

– Steve told me I could stay here. You know, Nat moved her stuff out. I’m trying to sell the house. Get a smaller place.

You get a soft drink out of the fridge.

– Yeah, she told me that. What happened?

Bucky sinks down in the couch.

– A lot, YN! A lot happened!