Chapter Seven – What Are You Waiting For?

You’re only half awake, when Brock plants a kiss on your forehead.

– Mmmm…

You murmur, and open your eyes.

– I’m going for my run!

He says, as he plants another kiss on your forehead.

You sit up, look at him. He’s sexy in his work out clothes. And you slept in the bed with him, for the last three nights. You smile from the thought of how he wrapped his arms around you last night. So good, amazing even.

When he closes the door behind him, you fall back down on your back in the bed again, smiling from ear to ear. You’ve really, really, really never been this happy before. Even though you haven’t had sex yet.

Brock returns about an hour later, and you already have a coffee ready for him. This is the life you want. You want THIS, every single day.

You smile all the way to work, and once again you find it really hard to concentrate on anything other than Brock. You actually have to go over your papers two and three times to make sure you get everything right. Is this how it feels to be “head over heels”?

When it’s almost lunchtime, you call Jess. She picks up almost before the first ring.

– Slept with him yet?

Jess playfully asks.

– No, Jess. Not yet. That’s actually what I wanted to talk to you about. Can we have lunch in my office today?

You ask, almost instantly regretting it. Maybe it is too soon? Maybe Brock is right, that you should wait?

– At your office? Did something happen?

Jess asks, concerned.

– No, Jess. Nothing is happening, that’s why I want to talk to you.

You say, taking a deep breath.

– Say no more, I’ll be right there!

Jess says, hanging up.

It’s Tuseday, so Molly’s working in a neighbouring town today. Molly was really a true hero that way. Worked at a retirement home every Tuesday. She ‘d make a perfect nurse one day. Always so sweet and a caretaker by nature. She was the only one out of the three of you that went down that path, not caring at all that she’d probably get a ton of student loans and therefor had to twist and turn every dime for the rest of her life. This was what she wanted to do for a living. And you respected her a Great deal for that.

You were lucky. Your dad inherited his business from your granddad, and you were supposed to take over after your dad again. You grew up in a well off household, even though your parents were never together. Both of them had wealthy families, a good name, and their lives cut out for them, and so did you. Although you sometimes wished you had a choice, at least you knew you had a job for life. And a pay that gave you the opportunity to live a very comfortable life.

– Eat and talk!

Jess’ voice brings you back to reality. She places your burger and fries in front of you, sits down in the other chair by your desk.

You open your burger, and take a bite, look at Jess.

– Spill! What’s the problem?

She asks. You gesture that you need to chew before you can answer her. Jess puts a few of her fries in her mouth.

– Arrg.. Jess. I don’t know…

You say, let the sentence die out.

– Holding out on you, huh?

Jess casually says. She is the only person in the entire world you know, that could possibly be this calm and collected when it comes to you and Brock. That’s the reason you’re coming to her with this particular problem.

– Err.. I don’t know. He kinda just stops. And then the moment is over…

You say, looking down at your burger.

– Stops?

Jess asks, taking a bite of her burger.

– Everything is so good, you know, and I’m like all caught up in that moment. And then…. It’s like he takes it away.

You say, sniff.

– Well, is he saying anything about it?

Jess asks, placing her hand on your shoulder.

– He says he’s not ready…

You answer, look up at her. She sends you a little smile.

– Not ready?

Jess says. Cringing her face.

– Does he get a hard on?

Jess asks. Like it was the most normal question in the world to ask. Like getting a hard on is proof enough that he’s ready.

– JESSICA!

You say. You knew you’d get these kinds of responses, you know Jess. She always saw life like this, easy and figuratively. For Jess a hard on IS proof enough.

– Well, does he?

Jess shrugs.

– Yes!

You say, and roll your eyes at her.

– So he’s ready!

Jess states, triumphantly looking at you.

– He says he’s not.

You argue back.

– Oh, please, YN!

Jess continues.

– He’s a GUY! Guys are ready when they see you fill a canoly!

You can’t help but laugh at that response. You knew that Jess would put some form of funny picture into this mess. But a canoly?

– He’s not 20, Jess!

You say, between chuckles.

– He’s the same age as your boss.

You continue, as Jess lifts her burger to take another bite.

– Well thank you for THAT lovely picture!

Jess says, as she puts her burger back on your desk.

– Take MY appetite away, why don’t you?

She says, pushing her burger further away from her.

– He is!

You continue.

– Please, YN! STOP IT! I have to go back to work after this. This is NOT a picture I want in my head!

Jess says, putting her hands in front of her face. Then she takes a breath.

– So, let me get this straight…

Jess starts up again.

– He’s kissing you?

She asks, waiting for you to answer. You nod.

– He’s touching you?

You nod again.

– You sleep in his bed?

Another nod.

– And he gets a hard on?

You lean back in your chair, but you give her a nod.

– OK! So he’s ready! What are you waiting for, YN? Just do it already! You know it’ll be much harder when your dad get’s back.

Jess says, and again gives you that triumphal look.

– Thank you, Jess. For bringing up my dad!

You say, folding your arms over your chest.

– I’m just saying it as it is. This is your time, YN! So go do it!

Jess answers, shrugging.

– Does it hurt?

You ask. Your voice is low, almost whispering. Jess shrugs.

– Maybe at first. But it’ll pass.

Jess says.

– Depending on how big he is..

She continues, laughing.

– JESSICA GRAYSON!

You say, before you start to laugh too.

– I’m only kidding, YN! It’ll be good. I promise. Just…

Jess stops for a second.

– Just show him! OK? Show him that you’re ready. You know… Make the first move.

She continues.

Make the first move? Could you do that?

– How?

You ask.

– Err.. Like, when you go to bed tonight, you can like… I don’t know… Sleep naked?

Jess says, shrugging a bit, and tilting her head.

– What if that doesn’t do it?

You say, still a bit afraid that he actually doesn’t want you like that. And that you’ve mixed yourself into something that will shatter your heart into a million pieces. And that you’ll never ever get to put it back together.

– He’ll embrace every part of it, YN! Trust me. If you’re ready, you go and do it. And you have my blessing, times a hundred.

Jess says, friendly nudging your shoulder.

– Thanks Jess…

You say, sending her a friendly smile.

– Happy to help, YN! Happy to help. Well, I need to get back. Let me know, OK?

Jess says, as she gets up.

– Thanks again, Jess. This really helped.

You say, as Jess opens the door.

– No worries. Happy humping!

Jess says, before she walks out of your office.

You lean back in your chair, smiling “Happy humping!”. Thank God for Jess. She always manage to help with these things. You remember when you started dating that guy Damian. You were 14. He was in Jess’ class, two years older than you, and your dad almost lost his head over it. When Damian came to pick you up to go to the movies, your dad greeted him in the door, holding his glock-17. Damian almost lost his ability to talk, and when your dad sent you on your way with “Have her home by 10. You know I was Delta force, right?”, Damian almost forgot which side of the car he was supposed to enter. It was safe to say, that Damian never took you out after that. And you didn’t blame him.

When you told Jess about it, her response was “Well, it could be worse, he could’ve killed him!”. And Jess wasn’t wrong, had anything happened between you and Damian, your dad would probably at least threaten to.

Your dad was overly protective. If it were up to him, you’d probably stay a virgin and without a boyfriend for your entire life.

You sometimes thought it was cool to have a dad like that. And Molly and Jess sometimes asked you if he could scare off boys for them as well. If someone was approaching them, that they didn’t like. Of course it was ment as a joke, but it gave you a pretty clear picture of the fact that you did have an overly protective, and kinda scary dad. Not like your mom at all. You mom, with her blue eyes and blonde hair. You found it strange that your mom and your dad even ended up at the same party that night you were made. Your dad, sure. But your mom? She always followed everybody elses commands. Except your dads. She argued with him. Mainly about child support and visitation rights. Everybody else just walked all over her. Like that new boyfriend. You hated him, HATED him.

The only thing your parents ever agreed on, was you! To make sure you grew up to be a decent, intelligent human being. Yeah, sure they were young when they had you, too young some might say. But you feel that they did a good job, raising you. You were always safe, they drove you to almost every single activity you wanted to try out, and they followed up school and extracurricular activities to the teeth. You always had a curfew, chores, and you were grounded a couple of times, and your wifi privileges were taken away once in a while. Both your parents were pretty strict that way. Probably to show that they could really do the job they put upon themselfs. And both the Rollins and the Lewis name came with a lot of money and had a respectful place in the community. It was expected of you to follow up on that. You had to work hard, and keep your good name right up there.

To be honest the fact that Brock and your dad even became best friends is a miracle. Although they both grew up here in Texas, it was in two completely different worlds. Of course Brock is pretty well off now, given that he managed to build his garage up from scratch. But it wasn’t always like that. Brock grew up in the harder parts of town. In a single parent home, just his mom and his 6 siblings. They had next to no money, and his mom hardly got by. That’s probably why Brock joined the army at the age of 18. He took two tours to Iraq and Afghanistan, before your dad also joined the army, and they had a couple of tours together. They were actually IN Afghanistan the day you were born. Your dad didn’t get to hold you until you were 5 months old. They both went back two times after that, before that horrific attack on their convoi, when Brock saved your dads life. Your dad became an army veteran after that. You didn’t even think he wanted to go back to that life. Too many grusom things had happened over there, and your dad didn’t want you to grow up without him. Brock also took a step back from the military, and started his garage.

And now you’re here. Hooking up with your dad’s best friend. What has gotten into you? This! This thing you started doesn’t exactly scream decent, intelligent human being. He is 26 years older than you, YN! 26 years! What are you doing? Your dad is going to kill Brock. Literally going to kill him! But you know you can’t stop. You just can’t. He is the one you want. He is!

You look at the time. FUCK! 4pm already. You got so lost in your own thoughts, that you totally lost track of time. Fuck, fuck, fuck! You franticly search your papers. Ten orders needs to be placed before Thursday, and two of them are pretty big ones. Well, no time for that now. You need to put in some extra hours tomorrow instead. There is no way, you’re telling your dad you lost track of time. Then he’ll ask why, and you really don’t want to answer that.

You rearrange the papers, so you know what to do first tomorrow, before you lock yourself out of the office, and start the 15 minutes drive home. You’re really stressed, and although the heat wave is starting to die off, you’re still so sweaty that your shirt sticks to your back.

“Sleep naked”
“Just do it already”
“He’s ready, YN”
“He’ll embrace every part of it”

Oh, shut up Jess. You say to yourself, when you park the car in your driveway. Brock’s truck isn’t there yet, so at least you have some time, time to think about what you’re really going to do. What are you going to do?