Chapter Fourteen – Secrets!

You sit down around the table. Your dad at the end, closest to the BBQ, Jess on his left side, then Molly next to her. Brock on his right side, and then you, next to Brock again. You always sit like this, since forever. And although you feel that this screams “I’m sleeping with Brock”, you know it’ll be a stupid move to change it up. 

– Dig in! 

Jack says, before he starts to pass the food around the table. 

– What do you want, YN?

Brock asks. You slowly turn your face to look at him. “you, you, you!” You think. Brock sends you a small smile, like he can read your thoughts. 

– Err.. That one!

You answer, pointing to the pork ribs. Brock places it on your plate. You can feel Molly and Jess’ eyes on you. You clear your throat, before you take a sip of your beer. 

After eating for a bit, the conversation starts to float around the table. Just as usual. 

– I ran into Mrs. Cartwright at the store. You went to school with her daughter, didn’t you, YN?

Jack asks. You look at him. You barely remember Emma Cartwright. She was always different, quiet, and in a totally different click than you were. But she did go to school with you, and you were the same age. But you never thought of her after you finished school. It wasn’t like you were friends with her. 

– Emma? Yes, we remember her. Right?

You answer, looking over at Molly and Jess. They both nod. 

– How is she doing?

You ask, looking at your dad. 

– I don’t know. But Mrs. Cartwright told me that she got a boyfriend who’s like 17 years older than her or something like that. Can you believe that, Brock?

Jack turns towards Brock, and Brock almost chokes on his food. Calfs, then takes a sip of his water. 

– 17 years is not that much, when you reach 20 or so. 

Brock tries, desperate to derail the conversation. 

– Not so much. Emma is 20, and he’s 37. He was allowed to drive a car when she was born. He could be her dad!

Jack says. You desperately look over at your friends. But they’re as blank as you on what to say. 

– Maybe they love each other..

You try. Surely your dad must know what it’s like to be in love. That there’s no age limit on love. To be honest you’re unsure if your dad has ever been in love. He never got any girlfriends, and all his focus was always on work. Maybe he doesn’t know love. That actually makes you a bit sad. 

– Love?

Jack says, with a tiny laugh attached to it. 

– When you’re 20, you don’t even know what love is. And 17 years, YN? It would be like you and Brock dating!

Jack says, laughing. 

Jess, who just took a sip of her beer, does a spit-take. The beer in her mouth sprays everywhere. Then she starts to calf uncontrollably. Molly and Jack start to pat her back. 

– You, OK there, Jessica?

Jack asks, when Jess’ calf starts to dissipate. 

– Yes… Bug.. It was a bug…

Jess says, between her last calfs. 

– I’ve got bug spray inside. Hang on!

Jack says, and starts to get up. 

– I’ll get it!

Brock says, getting up so fast that his chair almost falls down. 

– I’ll get you a new plate!

You say, as you get up as well. Grabbing Brocks plate, with some of Jess’ beer on it. Then you follow Brock inside. Desperate to get away from your dad. You and Brock dating! Why the fuck did he have to use you two to compare? Don’t know what love is? You do know what love is. At least you think you do. 

Brock is already searching through the cabinets for bug spray, when you enter the kitchen. You empty his plate in the trash, before you put it in the dishwasher, and take out a new plate for him. 

– I’m sorry.  My dad…

You say, let the rest of the sentence die out. Brock turns towards you, and carefully slips his arms around you. 

– Don’t think about it. He’s only looking out for you. 

Brock says, before he gives you a kiss on your forehead. 

– He just wants you to be safe!

He adds, as he leans his forehead into yours. 

– I am safe..

You say, close your eyes and take a deep breath. 

– I know

Brock says, before he leans in and kisses you. You kiss him back. It’s like you can’t hold back. Like you want to be glued to him, to never let him go. His lips are so soft. You part your lips, and your tongues meet. You can’t get enough of this. If this isn’t love, you don’t know what is. Brock takes a firmer hold around you, pulling you closer. 

– This is a Glock 19, right Mr. Rollins?

Jess’ voice from the living room. 

– 17! Glock 17.

Jack replies. 

– Can I hold it?

Jess sounds almost desperate to keep him occupied. Then there’s silence for a second or two. 

– OK! No more beers for you!

Jack tells Jess, before Molly pops her head around the corner. 

– Incoming!

She whispers. 

You and Brock let go of each other. Then you start to open some drawers, so it will look like you’re searching for the bug spray. 

– YN? What are you doing?

Your dad asks, you look up. 

– Err.. Looking for the bug spray..

You answer. Trying to sound normal. 

– It’s in the bathroom.

Jack answers, before he goes to the bathroom to collect it. You look at Jess and Molly, and mouth “thank you” to them. 

A short while later you all sit around the table, enjoying the rest of the food. Thankfully no more talk about Emma Cartwright and her older boyfriend. 

– That’s right. I almost forgot. How much do you want for fixing YNs car today?

Jack asks Brock. And by the look on Brock’s face, it was a question he wasn’t at all prepared for. 

– No, no. I don’t need any money for that. It was a favor! 

Brock says, taking another sip of his water. 

– Favor? Don’t be ridiculous, Brock. If all we did was favors, the economy would crumble. 250$ enough? She took up space in your garage, and your time. 

Jack argues, as he gets up. Probably to get his wallet. Brock follows him, continuing to argue that he doesn’t want any money. Molly and Jess look at you, almost laughing. 

– What? You know how my dad is about this stuff. We could argue all we want. He’d still give him the money. 

You say, putting the last of your focaccia in your mouth. 

– Does this count as prostitution?

Jess asks, followed by an ouch, when Molly hits her shoulder. 

You don’t get to say anything else before Brock comes back. He sinks down in his chair, and drags his hand through his hair. 

– I’m sorry…

You say, putting your hand on his thigh. 

– I should have known he’d do this. And now I feel like a common prostitute.

Brock says, looking at you. 

– If it helps at all, my birthday is only 6 months away, you can use them to buy me something nice..

You say, giving Brock a little teasing smile. 

– Smart girl..

Brock says, before he leans in and whispers something in your ear. Your face instantly goes red. 

– What did he say?

Jess asks. Brock looks at her, smiles and shakes his head. 

__________________________________

A short hour later, Jess, Molly and you are in the kitchen cleaning up. You just placed Mollys focaccia tray and salad bowl on the counter, when Jess lifts herself up on it as well.  

– Are you going to tell us what he said out there, or not?

Jess asks, you look at her. 

– He asked if I wanted to spend the night at his place. So I need you to say that I’m spending the night at your place.

You say, pleadingly looking at your friends. 

– All done here? You can take a six pack up to your room, when you’re done.

Jack’s voice, as he walks through the living room. 

– Err.. Actually Mr. Rollins. We were talking about spending the night at my place. 

Jess says, you give her a “thank you” look. 

– And how are you going to get there? If I remember correctly you all had a few beers for dinner. 

Jack says, stopping to look at you, and folds his arms over his chest. 

– Err..

You say. You know how your dad is with these things. There’s no way he’ll let you, any of you drive. 

– No worries.. Me fix!

Jess says, jumping off the counter, and confidently walks out towards Brock. Jack looks after her, then he looks at you. 

– Someone needs to drive us, and you had a couple of beers as well. 

You say, before you walk outside. Molly stays for a second or two, just looking at Jack. 

– I…. I’m just gonna…. 

Molly gestures with her hands, before she follows you. Jack takes a deep breath and drags his hand over his face. 

__________________________________

Half an hour later, you hug your dad goodbye for the night. You never spent the night at a boys’ (man’s) place, it’s exciting. The butterflies are going crazy in your stomach. 

– I call shotgun!

Jess says, when you walk towards Brock’s truck. 

– I’m sorry Miss Grayson. That seat is reserved!

Brock tells her, before he opens the door for you. 

You get into his car, and put your seatbelt on. You’ve been in Brock’s car before. But this time it feels different. Like you belong here somehow. 

– I can’t believe you asked Mr. Rollins if you could hold his gun. 

Molly says, almost the second Brock drives out of your driveway. 

– I didn’t know what else to say! You’d rather he caught them in the act?

Jess says. 

– No!

Brock answers, putting his truck in drive, before taking your hand in his. 

– Thank you, Jess!

He adds. 

– I made a complete fool out of myself though. 

Jess states. 

– What about me?

Brock says, letting out a little laugh. 

– I just became a prostitute!

He continues, taking a quick glance at you, smiling. 

– Well, she did park in your garage. Didn’t she?

Molly asks. 

– I parked outside.

You say, turning to face your friends in the back. 

– Yeah, and then he parked in your garage..

Jess says, bursting into laughter. You almost can’t hold your laugh in, so you look over at Brock to see his reaction. He’s smiling too, and then suddenly you all laugh. 

– Anyway. It’s good that he paid me. The alternative would’ve been worse. 

Brock says, when you’re done laughing. 

– Otherwise I would have paid a bigger prize. 

He adds. 

– What do you think he’d do if he found out?

You ask, suddenly a bit scared. You can’t keep this a secret forever, and you already have had two almost three close calls. 

– He’d kill him, YN. We’re talking about your dad here! 

Jess says. 

– Jessica!!

Molly says, looking at Jess. 

– Glock 17! Just sayin’.

Jess responds. 

– I have a 19. And no, Jess, you can’t hold it. 

Brock says. 

– You just had to bring that up…

Jess responds. 

– Yep..

Brock says, with a tiny laugh. Before he tries to do an impression of Jess asking Jack if she could hold his gun. 

– I swear, if you keep that up. I’m going to let him walk in on you next time. 

Jess tells Brock, as he parks the car on the side of the road next to Jess’ house. 

– I’m only joking YN. I’d never do that. 

Jess says, leaning forward, giving you a hug, before she opens the door. 

– Thanks for the ride, Brock. 

Then she closes the door behind her. 

The short ride to Molly’s house is for the most part silent. Except from Brock praising Molly’s food. The feeling of having Brock’s hand in yours is taking over your entire body. You feel so safe when you’re with him. Like nothing and no one can touch you. But at the same time, you’re scared. Because you know that the second your dad finds out, nothing will ever be the same. 

After Molly says her goodbyes,and closes the door behind her. Brock turns to you. 

– You’ve been scary quiet, YN! What is going on in that beautiful mind of yours?

He asks. Looking at you as much as he can, while driving. 

– Eh..

You say. Brock squeeze your hand. 

– Something wrong?

He asks, he sounds concerned. 

– It’s just…

You let the sentence die out. 

– Don’t think about Jack right now. 

He says. You know that he’s trying to comfort you. But you can’t quite shake that scary feeling. 

– He’ll find out, you know…

You say, looking out of the window. You don’t know why, but right now, you don’t want Brock to see that you’re almost crying. 

– Yeah.. He probably will. And then I’ll take whatever punishment he gives me. I love you, YN! There’s no way I’m giving that up.

That is the last thing he says, before he parks his car in his driveway. 

You take a look at his house. And you can’t help but wonder if that Taylor girl used to stay here with him. The house sure looks big enough for the both of them. And they were engaged. That means living together. Usually. Will you be sleeping in the same bed they slept in together? You swallow hard, to drown your tears. Maybe she even sat in this car, in the seat you’re sitting in now. What if she kissed better than you? After all, Brock was only the third guy you kissed. And the first guy you slept with. What if you’re no good in bed? She probably has a ton of more experience. All the thoughts and the emotions take over, and you can’t hold your tears back any longer. 

– Want me to drive you back home?

Brock asks. He sounds almost scared. 

– If this was too soon…

He starts, but you cut him off. Turning to look at him, as you wipe away your tears. 

– No, I want to be with you. It’s just…

You don’t know what more to say. 

– Maybe we should go inside, we’re kinda in the open here.

Brock says. You still don’t know what to say, so you just nod. 

Inside of his house you look around. There are some diplomas framed on the walls. Pictures of him and his siblings, some military stuff, a cabinet for his guns. A lot of them. But no pictures of that Taylor girl. A couple of him and your dad though. 

– Looking for something in particular?

Brock asks, coming up behind you, giving you a hug from behind. 

– Did Taylor live here…. With you.. When…

You talk so fast, you’re unsure if he even gets what you’re saying. Brock lets his hand rest on your back, as he gets in front of you, giving you a hug, a long hug. Warm and comforting. You can feel his breath on your neck. 

– OK!

He says, sitting down on his couch. You sit down next to him. 

– I’ll tell you about Taylor.