Chapter Five – You´re not, You Know!

How is it possible for a simple kiss to feel this good? It’s like his lips takes over your entire body, when they interact with yours.

– I want you, YN!

Bucky moans. You look up at him, the water hitting his face, dripping down from his eyebrows, makes him if possible even more beautiful.

– I need you, James!

You answer, bucking your hips into his lower body, and you feel him growing again. You lean your head back, and his lips hits your neck. You let your hands glide up the back of his neck, and into his hair.

– I’ll never get tired of this!

He murmurs into your skin, as he once again easily enters you.

Three times in a row, and it still feels just as good. Steve never did this. Not even in the beginning.

– Aaahhh. Fuck!

You moan, and grab his hair even harder.

– Your skin tastes so good!

Bucky moans into your neck.

– I want all of you!

He continues. Thrusting hard into you, over and over.

– I’m yours, James!

Bucky leans his forehead into yours, looking deeply into your eyes, as he continues to plunge into you, harder than before.

You buck your hips, desperately following his movements.

With the way he’s looking at you right now, and the angle he’s thrusting inside, you know you’ll finish fast.

– J… I.. I’m gonna..

You manage to say, before his lips meets yours again.

– I know!

He says, his lips still on yours, as he continues his thrusts inside you. You squeeze your legs around his waist. Your hands still in his hair. Forehead to forehead, you finish together, looking into each others eyes.

When you both come down. He looks at you. You look back, but you don’t know what to say. You both know that this is wrong. And that there will be consequences.

– You’re not, you know!

Bucky finally talks.

– Not what?

You ask. But you already know the answer.

– Mine!

He says, then he turns around and leaves the shower, and the bathroom. You stay behind. Not knowing if you should follow him or not. What can you say? He’s right. You’re married. To his best friend. And he used to be married to yours.

Oh, shit! You never thought of Nat in all of this. How is she going to react if she finds out? God, how you manage to screw things up for yourself. Their divorce isn’t even final yet, even if he moved his stuff out. You look up, and let the water from the shower hit your face.

——————————————

Bucky sits on the couch, when you come back into the living room. You almost stop in your tracks. But then you get yourself together. Bucky is your friend, no matter what happens, he is.

You sit down next to him. He looks at you, then he looks away.

– I’m sorry, YN! I didn’t mean to snap at you.

You clear your throat. Should you mention Nat?

– I understand, James. This should never have happened. It’s normal to have conflicting feelings.

– I don’t have conflicting feelings!

Bucky says, as he gets up from the couch.

– I know what I want!

He continues.

– What I always wanted!

He adds, before he walks over to the fridge, and pours himself a glass of juice.

He doesn’t turn around, and you’re not sure if you should walk over to him or not. So you decide to stay put.

– You don’t think this is wrong? To Steve? To Nat?

You ask.

– THEN HOW COME IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY?!!??

He yells, and turns around to look at you.

You look at him, you don’t have a clue what to say.

– I…

You start, but he cuts you off, coming over to you, kneeling down in front of you. Looking into your eyes.

– Can you honestly tell me, that this! This thing that we have, isn’t making you happy?

You open your mouth, then you close it again. You have absolutely no clue what to say.

– You know, the divorce from Nat. It was never about not having kids, or the house or work or anything. It was about you. It was always about you, YN! I’m in love with you! I love you!

You take a deep breath. These things he’s saying, they deserve a reply. Your only problem is… You don’t know what to say.

– Di… Did Nat know? Did you tell her?

You finally manage to say something. Probably not the best response, but at least it’s a response.

– That’s not important!

Bucky answers.

Now you’re actually starting to be a bit mad about this whole situation.

– It’s important to me, Bucky! She is my friend!

Bucky gets back up. Walking into the kitchen again.

– Buck!

You say, angry. It wasn’t how you intended your voice to sound, it just kinda came out that way. Why are you fighting? What are you fighting about?

– Did Nat know?

You ask again.

– Yes, she knew!

He finally admits.

Your stomach goes cold. Why didn’t she tell you? She’s your best friend. Or, at least you thought so.

– What are you not telling me?

You ask, trying to keep your tears back. You feel as if you just lost your best friend.

– Nothing!

Bucky says, pouring another glass.

You take a good look at him. You know him well enough by now, to know that there’s something he’s not telling you.

– Bucky!

You stand up.

– If you want to know so bad, why don’t you go and ask her yourself!?!?

Bucky yells again, and for a second you’re afraid he’ll throw his glass at the wall. But he puts it down on the table.

– Fine! I will!

You yell back, walking out to the hallway, get your shoes on and walk out the door.

– Not conflicting feelings, my ass!

You mutter to yourself as you start your car. Your tears pouring down your face, even before you leave your driveway. Is everyone lying to you? Who can you trust?

——————————————

You didn’t go to Nat’s place. Instead you drove around for hours, trying to clear your head. Stopping at a couple of places to get some food, filling up your gas tank again, have a coffee. God, you should’ve never gotten yourself into this.

You stop your car on the side of the road, lean your head back in the seat. Close your eyes. You can almost feel Buckys hands on you. And hear his words. “I know that, YN! Because Steve met you first”, “I love you, YN!”. No, you can’t honestly say that this thing you started with Bucky doesn’t make you happy. It does. It really, really does. You feel loved and appreciated again.

It’s starting to get dark, you should head back home. Bucky is probably worried about you.

You have no idea what time it is, when you finally park your car by your house, but it’s dark.

You try to be quiet, when you enter, in case Bucky is sleeping. You look around the hall. Did he clean? When you reach the kitchen you get the answer. Yes, he cleaned the entire place up. You walk towards the bedroom, when you see him, lying on his usual place, on the floor. Poor Bucky. You never should’ve yelled at him.

You walk over to him, and kneel down. He looks so peaceful, sleeping. So instead of waking him up, you lie down behind his back, putting your arm around him.

– We’ll talk more tomorrow…

You say, as you snuggle your face into the back of his neck.