Chapter Fourtynine – Get Away From Me!

Rumlow looks at you. You know you just started something you can’t stop. And you start to feel like this wasn’t as good of an idea that you originally thought.

– Kids? No, YN! I don’t have kids!

He bends down, and starts to pull some knifes out of the bag. Is he shaking? Did you just screw up even more? He looks up at you.

– Why do you ask?

Why did YOU ask? Why is HE asking? He saw that you noticed the angel on the shelf. Is he trying to push this whole thing under the rug once again? How should you respond to that?

He stands up, hands you a knife. You hesitate for a second before you take it. He’s definitely shaking. But why? Like Pierce said, knifes is his specialty. Why is he so afraid of them?

– Hold it like this!

His voice is strong, commanding. Not at all like the Rumlow you know. Or maybe this is him? You change the way you hold the knife.

– No, Agent! Like THIS!

He grabs your arm, and change the angle for you to hold the knife the right way. His hold doesn’t hurt physically. But emotionally you feel like he’s ripping your arm off. You look up at him. No emotions. Nothing. Not even when he looks into your eyes. You close your eyes, and swallow. Get this over with. Just do the training, and then you can cry out in your car. Or maybe you could call Jack. This is the second time today, he’s pulled rank on you. You never should’ve left him at the hotel.

– If you hold it like this…

He shows you how to hold the knife.

– …. You can flip it like this…

The knife flips in his hand, like it was nothing.

– …. Get the upper hand. You have to react quickly. Knife fights are a totally different thing than a gunfight. It’s up close and personal. NEVER hesitate! If you hesitate I win! Got it?

You nod. The way he talks to you. The tone he’s using. Monoton. Like he talks from a script. Like he doesn’t want to talk to you. You can’t help it. This hurts, more than you care to admit.

– Pay attention, Agent! If you lose focus in a fight, you’re DEAD!

– I KNOW THIS! STOP TREATING ME LIKE A NEWBIE!

Rumlow takes two steps backwards, away from you. Then he stands down.

– Then fight me!

– What?

– You said you knew how to do this! Fight me!

Does he really want you to fight him? Why is he doing this. Things used to be so perfect. He used to protect you. He even saved your life. And now.. Will you be able to fight him? Maybe Jack held back? Maybe he won’t? Rumlow keeps looking at you.

– What are you waiting for, Agent? Show me what you’ve got!

You step towards him. No use in dragging this out. The faster you do what he tells you, the faster you can go and cry out in your car, or at Jacks place. Rumlow quickly steps into defensive mode. You continue. Blocking his attack, switching the knife in your hand, to get the upper hand. But he stops you. He’s quick, like a snake. But you’re quick too, and you actually feel like you know how to do this.

– Footwork, Agent!

Rumlow yells at you. You look down, and miss his attack. His knife hits your upper arm. Not hard or deep. But it hits you. And you feel it. Dropping your knife to the floor. Rumlow stops too. Knife in his hand, by his side. He looks at the wound on your upper arm. Like he’s hypnotised by it. His arm shaking. And he’s breathing heavily. You look from the knife, and up to his face. Then you hear his knife fall to the floor.

You just stand there looking at each other for a while. You’re shocked by the knife hitting your arm. It doesn’t hurt that bad, and you haven’t even looked at the wound yet. But you can feel that you’re bleeding.

– Get away from me, YN!

– Brock?

You take a step towards him. He lifts his hand up, stopping you.

– Please, get away from me! I’m not… You… I’m not a good person!

What? What is he talking about? You were training. Accidents happens. Just like when Jacks arm hit you, when you weren’t paying attention. That’s exactly what happened now. The only difference is that the knife made you bleed.

– I’m fine, Brock! It… It was an accident.

You reach out once more, try to touch him, to comfort him, calm him down. He takes a step backwards.

– Don’t touch me! Just leave, YN! I’m not good for you!

– NO!

You’re surprised by the confidence in your voice, and the confidence you feel. But no, you’re not leaving him like this.

– YN! I mean it! I’m really not a good person! If you knew what I’ve done. You’d hate me!

You take another step towards him. This time, he’s not moving. You put your hand on his chest.

– I’ll never hate you, Brock!

He looks down on your hand on his chest. Then he looks up at your wound.

– We need to fix that!

He takes your hand, and walk you into the bathroom. Finding a first aid kit. You just let him. He obviously feels bad about stabbing your arm, and he want’s to fix it. Let him, YN. He is careful. But he’s not saying anything. Whiping off the blood, cleans the wound and getting a bandaid around your upper arm. You follow his every move.

When he’s done. He just stands there, looking at you. You look back for a while, before you take a deep breath.

– Brock?

– Yeah…

– I love you!

He doesn’t say anything. Just looks at you. Maybe he doesn’t love you anymore. But you don’t care. You had to tell him this. And this seemed like a good time to do that. It feels like he needs it.

– I miss you so…..

He puts a finger over your lips. Stops you.

– Don’t do that, YN!

WHY is he doing this! If he doesn’t want you anymore, fine. But then he can tell you that. You’ll be hurt, sure. But everything is better than this cryptic stuff he’s doing now. You remove his hand. Look him in the eye.

– I’m sorry.. I didn’t know that I had a choice in that!

He takes a breath. Looks down.

– I’m not worth it. I don’t deserve you!

Now you start to feel angry. This is your choice! YOU get to decide if you love him or not. And this is stupid. You need for him to tell you the truth, even if that truth is that he doesn’t love you anymore.

– STOP IT, BROCK! Just tell me that you don’t want me anymore! I’m pouring my heart out here. Stop lying to me!

He looks up at you again. Looks at you for a long time. Is he thinking about how to let you down easy?

– I…. I have to tell you something, YN!

Finally. You take a relieved breath. He turns around and walks out of the bathroom. Stops at the shelf, and take the angel down. Then he sits down on the couch. You follow. Sit down beside him.

He slowly hands you the angel. You take it almost devoutly. You don’t say a word. You just wait for him to start to talk.

– That angel…. It was made by a child…

He stops.. Is he changing his mind? You look at him, still not saying a word..

– He was 8…

Was? Did he lose a child? Is that why he feels he’s a bad person? Did something happen to his family? Is that why he’s so protective? You open your mouth. But he beats you to it.

– It was me…